From time to time I go through periods of self evaluation. It generally occurs when I’m either tired or burned out with what I’m doing. I’ll assess if I’ve made any intended changes, reached any number of goals, or am reasonably content with my current situation. I’ll weigh the pros, cons, ups, downs, and ins and outs. What are my successes? What are my failures?

Thus far I’d say I’ve led an interesting life and have had some cool experiences but in some ways I feel like I’m bumping up against a wall of self inflicted disappointment. There are plenty of things I can take pride in but in many ways I have failed miserably and continue to do so. Mostly I am disappointed in my lack of focus towards creative talents. I’ve been far too consumed and limited by my current way of doing things outside of travel. The inner critic has been kind of harsh lately but I think it’s a good thing.

Since I’m self employed I’m considering the idea of firing myself. I haven’t been as effective and efficient as I ought to be. Digging around piles of old stuff to buy and sell might afford a nice little sideline hobby but its excessively time consuming and limiting for me. Ultimately it’s not very profitable given the time invested. In reality, I’m not all that good at it. I’ve been tripping over gold to pick up lead while avoiding platinum at eye level for aluminum beer cans sat upon the second self from the bottom. If my heart’s desire were to root around for the elusive dollar, check out six months at a time, and settle in some beach side community abroad clinking beer bottles with expats while forgetting about tomorrow living in some backpacker dive, I’m perfectly set up to do so. Actually, that might not be so bad. But really, I can do a heck of a lot better than that! I’m just not doing it.

So, what if I kick myself out, relocate, and completely change the rules when it comes to how I make a living? Perhaps I’ll start up a new start up and change my management style. I think it could be a good experiment but it’s totally up to me. No one is going to do it for me and I have no one to fault but myself.

Where We Going For Tacos?

No, I have not abandoned the ship in terms of the blog. I’ve just been distracted by the necessity of necessities complete with unplanned expenses, absentmindedness, and god forbid boredom. As someone who prides himself as one who rarely gets bored I think I’ve got touch of it. Responsible living locked within the left side of the brain has me feeling creatively flat. Too much time spent driving around chasing the illusive treasure usually missed by a 10 minute lapse of time, a wrong turn, or an overlooked add leaves me in a “Cest la Vie” state of mind. It all costs me money in the realm of “What If”. “I’ll take a chance”, is the norm in my roll the dice way of doin bidness. Sometimes I’m on my game and I fly through a week feeling like a rock star only to tumble through the next three weeks in a stupor of disappointment and missed opportunity. Woulda, shoulda, coulda….. I’m quite a gambler for not being much of a gambler. Somehow in the end dumb luck gets the bills paid. The bank account miraculously inches its way up to a desired goal point. Thank you Jesus and I’m off on the next adventure. As with any kind of work there are pros and cons. In the end I’m far happier working for myself and the “Rock Star” weeks are pretty darned fun! Not to mention the freedom. It’s hard to put a price on that.

Adventure? Perhaps my idea of adventure may be changing. I’ve had the desire to buy a funky property of sorts and make it MY OWN complete with flag and theme song. I’d fill it with odd ball interesting old stuff and art. I’d invite friends over for Indian food and beer while spinning vinyl records. I’d invent some new way to make money as I would create an environment to foster creativity with no other boundary or judgment aside of my own. The crux of this vision is that financially it would be very difficult to pull off right now. I would not want to give up travel but I’d have to make adjustments. A pipe dream? I suppose. Should I consider a consolation prize? A lovely compatible lady with a similar vision would be nice to share it all with but in my experience that’s nearly impossible to find.

The upside in the meantime, as I ponder my latest quandary, is that I’m lucky to have a nice group of friends to hang out with. Live music, happy hours, an Art Car Parade, a Sunday breakfast after a 12 mile run and Croquet in park are all good cures for a bout of the blues or a touch of boredom. Nothing beats a five mile run with a can of cold beer at the end to shake whatever funk may ail ya. What’s nice about the group of folks I hang out with is the diversity. It’s a varied mix of professional and fiscal backgrounds, generations, and ages that all come together at a level playing field to simply enjoy each others company and decompress from whatever it is that winds one up, down, or sideways. After all, there are more important things to tend to, like, “Whose got the tab”, and, “Where we going for tacos”?

Sunday Croquet In The Park With Friends