From time to time I go through periods of self evaluation. It generally occurs when I’m either tired or burned out with what I’m doing. I’ll assess if I’ve made any intended changes, reached any number of goals, or am reasonably content with my current situation. I’ll weigh the pros, cons, ups, downs, and ins and outs. What are my successes? What are my failures?

Thus far I’d say I’ve led an interesting life and have had some cool experiences but in some ways I feel like I’m bumping up against a wall of self inflicted disappointment. There are plenty of things I can take pride in but in many ways I have failed miserably and continue to do so. Mostly I am disappointed in my lack of focus towards creative talents. I’ve been far too consumed and limited by my current way of doing things outside of travel. The inner critic has been kind of harsh lately but I think it’s a good thing.

Since I’m self employed I’m considering the idea of firing myself. I haven’t been as effective and efficient as I ought to be. Digging around piles of old stuff to buy and sell might afford a nice little sideline hobby but its excessively time consuming and limiting for me. Ultimately it’s not very profitable given the time invested. In reality, I’m not all that good at it. I’ve been tripping over gold to pick up lead while avoiding platinum at eye level for aluminum beer cans sat upon the second self from the bottom. If my heart’s desire were to root around for the elusive dollar, check out six months at a time, and settle in some beach side community abroad clinking beer bottles with expats while forgetting about tomorrow living in some backpacker dive, I’m perfectly set up to do so. Actually, that might not be so bad. But really, I can do a heck of a lot better than that! I’m just not doing it.

So, what if I kick myself out, relocate, and completely change the rules when it comes to how I make a living? Perhaps I’ll start up a new start up and change my management style. I think it could be a good experiment but it’s totally up to me. No one is going to do it for me and I have no one to fault but myself.